


volenti non fit injuria

by euigeon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, because im so bad at writing anything remotely sexy, fwb but it's just vague smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:29:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22588696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euigeon/pseuds/euigeon
Summary: Maybe it’d been a rebound fuck, maybe Donghyuck had simply used him to forget. Jeno didn’t really care, not at that time anyway, because there was something about the way Donghyuck let himself fall forward as he grinded down on Jeno, something about Donghyuck’s lips ghosting just above his ear, whispering his name over and over and over again that messed with Jeno’s head and fucked with his heart.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 21
Kudos: 213





	volenti non fit injuria

**Author's Note:**

> latin: "to a willing person, injury is not done"
> 
> i made a horrible HORRIBLE mistAKE,,,,, for da sake of da plot just pretend like korea still uses keys to open front doors lmaoooo

* * *

They’ve been friends for quite some time.

And Jeno isn’t the kind of person to easily get sentimental, so these kinds of thoughts rarely ever cross his mind, but as he’s driving along an all-too-familiar street at the usual ungodly hour, pulling over in the basement of a building he knows too well, and opening the door to Donghyuck’s apartment with his own duplicate key Donghyuck had given him a few months back, well.

Jeno can’t help but get hit on the face with the realization that they have been friends for a long time.

It takes him a while to decide whether or not to shove the key to Donghyuck’s place back inside his pocket or leave it on the rack until he decides on the latter. He leaves his shoes near the door and trudges further inside the apartment, where the entire space wallows in darkness, lit only by the weak flame of the few scented candles Donghyuck has scattered around the living room.

 _It’s romantic_ , Donghyuck had answered, the first time Jeno asked about them.

 _It’s cultish_ , was Jeno’s retort, and Donghyuck had smacked him with a heavy hand on his bare chest, then threatened to cut his dick right there if he continued to tease him for it. Jeno had simply caught Donghyuck’s lips in a sloppy kiss, pulling him back down on the bed and muttering nothing about the candles again after.

That had been some time ago, two years, if Jeno isn’t mistaken, and he’s come to appreciate the candles more and more after that. There was something about the way it illuminated Donghyuck’s skin, something about the dim orange light that made Donghyuck more beautiful under him.

There was something about it that fitted their arrangement too — something about existing in shadows, something about the soft warm glow of the flames. Something about it being temporary. Something about it being dangerous.

Jeno rarely thinks much of it, and maybe that’s the reason why they’ve lasted this long, but the thing about these kind of thoughts is that it’s difficult to shake off once it crosses your mind. Like a moth, entranced by the flame who’s already licking at his wings, he circles the fire, and doesn’t even have half a mind to try and keep himself from being singed or burned.

“Wine,” Jeno says, raising a brow at Donghyuck materializing from the kitchen with a bottle of red in his right hand and 2 glasses held by their stem in the other. “What’s the occasion?”

“Does there need to be an occasion?” Donghyuck quips, pushing both glasses into Jeno’s hands.

“You called me up at 2:30 in the morning just to drink wine for no reason?” Jeno holds them out as Donghyuck pops the cork off and fills up the glasses until they’re halfway full.

“Obviously, not _just_ to drink wine.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, looks at Jeno suggestively, a smirk playing on his lips. He takes one of the glasses and lifts it up, clinks it against Jeno’s own, and downs the alcohol quicker than Jeno can even put his own drink to his lips.

* * *

Jeno considers the first time he stepped foot inside Donghyuck’s apartment to be both the best and worst thing he’s ever done in his life.

If he’s going to be technical about it, he’d say that they at least weren’t strangers to each other then.

Jeno remembers vividly the first time he’d _actually_ met Donghyuck. It had been at a coffee shop, when he and Mark were cramming a research paper due the next day. After three hours of working non-stop, Jeno had decided to slam his laptop shut and take a break by ordering a fresh cup of coffee. He’d been scanning the menu overhead, trying to decide which order would be most likely to keep him awake when the bell rang behind him, signalling the entrance of another customer.

Jeno remembers being rendered speechless when Donghyuck stepped in front of him, the yellow light of the coffee shop and the five o’clock sun shining through the windows making him and his tanned skin glow even more. Jeno snapped out of his trance eventually and only then realized that Donghyuck was digging around in his pocket and wallet for loose coins because the cashier didn’t have enough to give him as change. Jeno cleared his throat and, without thinking, stepped forward towards the counter, ordering his own drink and offering to pay for both his and Donghyuck’s coffee with his card.

Donghyuck turned to look at Jeno, mouth forming a small ‘o’ after a complete stranger just paid for his coffee order. “You didn’t have to,” he said, taking out a five-thousand won bill from his wallet to repay the stranger.

“It’s no big deal,” Jeno replied with a shake of his head as he moved towards the pick-up counter, Donghyuck trailing a few steps behind. “I don’t have exact change to give you, and besides,” he paused, unsure whether or not to say out loud what he’d been thinking in the last couple of minutes, “I think you’re cute.”

Donghyuck froze for a split second, caught off-guard by the sudden confession. Then he just straight up _laughed_ at Jeno, turning his back towards him and mumbling something about wasting his time and money. Jeno took his cup of coffee first, flashing Donghyuck one last smile before returning to his table.

Not even a full minute later, Donghyuck approached him, but for the most unexpected reason ever.

Mark took one look at Donghyuck and his face immediately lit up.

“Babe, you’re here.”

It’s as if the fatigue completely dissipated from Mark when he got a hold of Donghyuck’s hand and when he reached up to kiss Donghyuck on the forehead. Long story short, Mark introduced Donghyuck to Jeno briefly as his boyfriend, before excusing himself from their meeting to go on their planned dinner date. Donghyuck made no mention of his encounter with Jeno earlier, simply shook Jeno’s hand like it was their first time ever seeing each other that day, and with a small, shy smile said, “It’s nice to meet you, Jeno.”

They were acquaintances, linked by a common bridge, a mutual friend. Of course, once upon a time, Mark was more than just a friend to Donghyuck, until he had to move all the way to the other side of the world and they weren’t anything anymore.

Jeno and Donghyuck never crossed paths again after their first encounter. Not until Mark moved away, until Jeno witnesses the aftermath of that.

The next time they meet again is when Jeno’s table just so happens to have two vacant seats in an otherwise crowded bar, and Jaemin, well-connected throughout campus, invites Renjun and Donghyuck to sit with them.

Most of the evening is a blur to Jeno, faces warping and voices blending together. His stomach swirled with the variety of drinks he’d downed every single time he was handed a glass. He doesn’t remember much, just that he somehow ends up beside Donghyuck at one point, who he might have been staring at all night from across the table, and who might have been staring right back at him with a faint red dusting his cheeks.

Jeno tries to look for any recognition in Donghyuck’s face, and he does get a curious look back, but it’s says something entirely different from a look that says _I know you_.

He isn’t mindful about who finds whose way beside the other, but he finds that he doesn’t care that much when he feels Donghyuck’s hand resting on his thigh, or his breath fanning softly on him when Donghyuck whispers in Jeno’s ear.

He leaves the bar half-sober, hand in hand with a person he barely knows, arrives at the latter’s apartment completely aware of what he’s getting into and doesn’t look back.

“I didn’t see you at Mark’s party last week,” Jeno mumbles as Donghyuck presses him against his front door.

Donghyuck hums against lips. “You’re not supposed to invite the ex-boyfriend who broke your heart to the farewell party,” he says, pressing a single kiss where Jeno’s neck and shoulder meet.

Jeno suppresses a groan, asks shakily, “Why did you break up?”

“Not a fan of long distance relationships.” Donghyuck pulls away and stares at Jeno, eyes hooded and glassy. “Do you really want to talk about my break up or do you want to fuck, Jeno?”

"So you do remember me."

"I don't think I can forget a face like yours even if I tried.”

Jeno isn’t able to hold the chuckle he lets out, simply pulls Donghyuck closer, pecks on the latter’s pouted lips, and lets his hands travel down Donghyuck’s spine and slip into his jeans.

“Fuck it is,” Donghyuck grins into Jeno’s mouth, inviting him further inside his apartment as his fingers undo the buckle of Jeno’s belt.

Maybe it’d been a rebound fuck, maybe Donghyuck had simply used him to forget. Jeno didn’t really care, not at that time anyway, because there was something about the way Donghyuck let himself fall forward as he grinded down on Jeno, something about Donghyuck’s lips ghosting just above his ear, whispering his name over and over and over again that messed with Jeno’s head and fucked with his heart.

Donghyuck lets Jeno stay the night, lets him cuddle Donghyuck closer, right against his chest. In the morning after a quick round two, he watches as Jeno buttons up the shirt he’d worn the night before, hops off the bed, still stark naked, and gives Jeno a kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s do that again sometime,” he says with the most sly smile, and without letting Jeno reply or waiting for his reaction, heads towards the bathroom and closes the door behind him.

Jeno doesn’t really know what makes him do it; has heard about too many friends with benefits relationships ending in a catastrophe to know that the possibility of this going to shit is very likely. The ache in his heart from the night before hasn’t left his chest, and maybe that’s the reason he makes his first mistake of writing his number on one of Donghyuck’s yellow post-it notes and leaving it alongside all of the reminders Donghyuck has pasted on his wall.

The first message comes about two weeks later, at eleven in the evening just when Jeno is about to leave the library after an eight-hour study marathon.

 _Busy?_ The text from an unknown number reads.

Jeno answers back with, _Depends on who’s asking._

A smile blooms on Jeno’s lips as he reads Donghyuck’s reply, _It’s the cute boy from the coffee shop_.

He stops right in his tracks to write his response, _Took you long enough._

The reply is instantaneous. _Sorry. Had prior commitments. I’m all yours now, if you’re still interested._

Jeno was. Jeno still is.

_I’ll be there in fifteen minutes._

Without thinking twice this time, he shoves his phone back in his pocket and lets his feet lead him back to where he was two weeks ago.

“Lee Donghyuck, really?”

Jeno can’t say he didn’t expect this reaction. Across the table, Jaemin is staring at him, arms crossed over his chest and the most amused shit-eating grin on his face. It’s what he gets when he carelessly leaves a packet of condom in his back pocket, which falls right out just as he’s reaching for his wallet. Jaemin could only stare at the piece of foil, scandalized, as the barista behind the counter gave Jeno a thumbs up.

Right now, Jeno can only glare at Jaemin in return, partly because he’s cranky about not having his full eight-hours of sleep yet and partly because he doesn’t need his best friend being judgmental about his poor life choices at 11 in the morning on a Sunday.

Jaemin backtracks instantly. “Don’t get me wrong. He’s hot. I just didn’t think he’d be your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” Jeno retorts. “And I don’t think he’s looking for anything serious.”

Jaemin stares at Jeno for a moment, mouth hanging open like he’s trying so hard to comprehend what Jeno had said.

“Wait a minute. So, what are you two exactly?”

Jeno casts his eyes down on the table, avoiding Jaemin’s inquisitive stare.

“We’re just friends.”

“No, no, no,” Jaemin says, vehemently shaking his head. “ _We_ are friends. _I_ am your friend,” he argues, pointing between the two of them. “Donghyuck is something else entirely.”

“Jaemin, we’re just friends,” Jeno repeats, and when he finally looks at Jaemin, the amused look on his face has completely been replaced by one that screams disbelief.

“You’re serious?” Jaemin furrows his brows at Jeno, who only shrugs. “That’s dangerous territory you’re encroaching on.”

“We’re just fucking,” Jeno clarifies.

He’s thought about this before, several times, on his way to see Donghyuck or on his way out of the door the next morning. It’s complete lust, physical attraction, and admittedly, maybe a bit of affection from Jeno’s side. After all, he was the one who tried hitting on Donghyuck first. But Donghyuck has shown no signs that he wants something more serious than their current arrangement, and if he doesn’t want to, Jeno doesn’t really mind either way.

So, yeah. It is as risky as Jaemin makes it out to be, but there’s no heart to break if there’s no heart put forward in the first place.

“If you’re worried about me getting hurt, you really don’t need to be,” he says it with finality, like he has this thing all figured out.

Jaemin leans back on his seat and with a chuckle, shakes his head, totally unconvinced.

“Whatever you say, Jeno.”

He finds the time to hang out with his friends from time to time, especially when it’s Jaemin who insists, but as finals week descends upon him, he isn’t able to spare even a single night to wind off, declining Jaemin’s invitation through text as he stares at all the papers stacked on his study table he has yet to master. He expects a displeased reply from Jaemin, a message to guilt-trip him into dropping schoolwork to go out instead, so he turns his phone off and hides it under a pile of papers to get rid of any distractions.

He gets four hours worth of studying done, and only on his third break does he decide to use his phone, digging around the table and eventually finding 15 messages and 2 missed calls (14 messages and both missed calls from Jaemin) for him when he switches it back on.

The lone text message not from Jaemin is the only one Jeno opens.

_You aren’t here._

Jeno assumes _here_ is their usual bar, which Jaemin had invited him to earlier, and Donghyuck is there with him along with the rest of their friends, and was probably expecting to meet Jeno tonight. He hesitates in giving a reply, but in the end decides to send one anyway. He has eighteen minutes left before he has to start studying again.

_Buried six feet under paper._

Jeno doesn’t expect a quick reply. He doesn’t even expect a reply at all. Donghyuck shouldn’t have his phone in his hand when he’s out with friends, but Jeno gets a response within seconds. _Library?_

_No, at home._

The three dots appear on Jeno’s screen for quite a while until Donghyuck finally sends, _Can I call you?_

Jeno takes a breath and racks his brain up for an excuse to tell Donghyuck when he does take the call, explaining that he won’t be able to go out, not even for a quick fuck, before he replies, _Yeah, sure._

He has fourteen minutes left on his clock when his phone rings. “Hello?” Donghyuck speaks into the phone quietly. There’s barely any noise in the background, no sign of Jaemin, no music, so Jeno guesses that Donghyuck went somewhere quiet to make the call. “Jeno?”

“Hey,” Jeno says, spinning on his desk chair. “What’s up?”

“It’s a Friday night and you’re on a hot date with papers.”

“Believe me, it’s not how I want to live too,” Jeno replies with a roll of his eyes. “How are you so relaxed?”

“Everything I need to pass this semester, I’ve already turned in last week,” Donghyuck says triumphantly, and Jeno can’t help but feel extremely jealous. “Do you want some motivation?”

Motivation. Something tells Jeno this isn’t going to be Donghyuck just cheering him on from the other line.

“I’m good, Donghyuck. I just really want to be done with this.”

“Are you sure? You sound really stiff. Maybe to help you loosen up?”

They’ve known each other for only a month and already, Jeno knows Donghyuck too well.

He repeats the excuse he’d practiced a few minutes prior in his head before actually saying it out loud, “Look, I’d love to go out tonight, but I really can’t leave my study table right now. I’ll make it up to you when—”

He isn’t even able to finish the second part of his rehearsed speech when Donghyuck cuts him off, “Who said anything about you leaving your table?” There’s a lilt in his tone, teasing and mocking, and Jeno can imagine that he has the biggest mischievous smile on his lips at that moment, knowing Jeno wouldn’t be able to resist him. “Look, if you’re worried about it taking too much time, don’t. I promise it’ll be quick and good.”

Jeno’s gaze is stuck on his wall-clock, showing that he has twelve minutes left before he has to start reading again. He can’t help the groan he lets out in the receiver of his phone, and he feels even more frustrated when he hears a giggle from the other line.

Two more minutes of Donghyuck outright begging— lewdly and very much inappropriately—for Jeno to allow him to come over, he relents and gives Donghyuck his address. Twenty minutes later, Donghyuck’s kneeling between his legs, pulling on the waistband of his jeans and boxers until they’ve dropped to the floor.

Jeno grabs a fistful of Donghyuck’s hair and throws his head back with a moan. “God, Donghyuck, if I flunk my tests, it’s going to be your fault.”

Donghyuck pushes himself up, hands on the armrests as he moves close to Jeno’s face. “Then I reserve the right to claim credit if you ace it too. Fair enough?” He plants a kiss on the corner of Jeno’s lips, slowly moving down to press a kiss on his jaw, on his neck, his chest, on his navel, until finally he’s swallowing Jeno whole.

Donghyuck leaves fifteen minutes after he arrives, but not before letting Jeno have a taste of himself from Donghyuck’s mouth. “I told you it’ll be quick. You didn’t even have to get off your desk chair.”

“Just get home safe, will you?” Jeno says in fake annoyance, sneaking one last kiss before nudging for Donghyuck to go.

“You still have to make it up to me. I won’t forget,” Donghyuck says finally as he walks off to the hallway, to the elevator, and out of Jeno’s building, leaving Jeno alone to return to his papers.

He’s twenty minutes off schedule, but Jeno honestly feels like he has the energy to power through the rest of the night.

Two weeks into their semestral break, Jeno gets a copy of his grades online. He takes a screenshot, attaches it to a message that he sends to Donghyuck with the caption, _You may take the blame for this._

Donghyuck’s reply is a string of emojis, question and exclamation marks.

_HOLY SHIT 3.7 QPA JENO WTF._

Jeno smiles as he reads the succeeding message.

_Your place or mine? ;)_

* * *

When he’s with Donghyuck, it’s like time stops.

Not in a cheesy and romantic way, but in a way that makes Jeno feel like nothing else in the world really matters when Donghyuck’s hands are roaming all over his body, or when he holds Donghyuck’s waist tight enough for it to bruise. When Donghyuck kisses the daylights out of him until they’re both out of breath, or when he watches Donghyuck fall asleep with their hands still tangled.

He’s forgotten at what point Donghyuck started being on top of his priority list, just that one day he knew that no matter what time or day, wherever he needed to go, for whatever reason at all, he would drop whatever it is that he’s doing if Donghyuck is the one who called.

He realizes this when he glances at his watch, the same exact brand, kind, and color Donghyuck has on too, and sees that he’ll have to be ready for work in exactly four hours and eighteen minutes, and yet, he’s still lounging on Donghyuck’s couch, feeling slightly tipsy on his fourth glass of wine.

On the other end sits Donghyuck, tilting his head back to finish his third full glass. Jeno expects him to pour himself another glass, but isn’t all that surprised when Donghyuck decides to place the almost empty bottle instead on the coffee table, beside the scented candles glowing softly.

“So, are you going to tell me the reason why you called me here or am I going to have to guess?” Jeno asks with a tilt of his head.

“For what other reason do I ever call you over?” Donghyuck says, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Jeno looks at Donghyuck in disbelief, “For many reasons which I can’t even count on both of my hands.”

“An exaggeration,” Donghyuck dismisses.

Jeno does start counting one by one on his fingers, starting from his index finger, “For starters, I’m your personal Uber driver, doubling as your food delivery guy. Personal tutor, personal assistant. Oh, carpenter, remember that one? Fake boyfriend, four times, by the way. And the best wedding date ever… need I go on?”

Donghyuck jumps from his side of the couch to straddle both of Jeno’s legs, palm covering Jeno’s mouth. “Okay, okay, I get it,” he says with a roll of his eyes. “Don’t act like I never did anything for you.”

Jeno can’t help the smile that slowly creeps on his lips at the realization, too embarrassed to enumerate all the favors Donghyuck had, in fact, done for him in return.

Donghyuck starts counting it himself instead, holding his hands on Jeno’s mouth to keep him still, “Emotional support puppy, constantly. Number one fan cheering from the bleachers for Lee Jeno, player #6, midfielder. Study date, even though I do always end up playing on my phone while only you do the actual studying. Oh, fake boyfriend too! And for your _mother._ That must be equivalent to like, 30 more favors or something.”

Jeno shakes from Donghyuck’s hold, hand going up to peel the hand on his lips. “Hold on, that’s not fair. I was ambushed, and she ended up liking you so much. I think she likes you more than me.”

“That’s because I’m an awesome fake boyfriend,” Donghyuck teases, looking down at Jeno smugly. “We should go see her sometime.”

Jeno snorts. “No way. The only way I’m ever going to let you meet her again is if we actually start dating for real,” Jeno says it as a joke, but he doesn’t miss the twitch of Donghyuck’s eye the second he lets the words slip out.

Donghyuck presses a smile, hands sliding from Jeno’s jaw to his shoulders. He calls Jeno’s name softly, lovingly, and it feels like a dagger drilling through Jeno’s heart. “We’re forgetting the most important reason why we call each other,” he mumbles quietly, slowly leaning down towards Jeno.

Donghyuck doesn’t notice, but something inside Jeno shifts like a switch.

But Jeno’s head is still swimming in the buzz of the wine, and he can’t deny the fact that Donghyuck’s pretty, wet mouth on his skin distracts him from feeling the way he feels, so when Donghyuck starts unbuttoning his shirt, he only pulls Donghyuck’s own over his head and starts kissing his chest, working his way back towards Donghyuck’s lips.

He slots their mouths together, hoping Donghyuck doesn’t notice how he has to hold on tight on Donghyuck’s arm to keep his hands from trembling, or how he keeps his face hidden in Donghyuck’s neck so he wouldn’t be able to see the hurt in his eyes.

Time doesn’t stop for anyone, especially not the two of them. Time sprints on double speed, backwards instead of forward. Their clock is counting down, and this is the part where Jeno realizes that he can’t do anything about it, even when he desperately wants it to never end.

He makes use of the time they have left, holds Donghyuck tighter, kisses him harder, and hopes that Donghyuck can forgive him for what’s about to come.

* * *

The first time they actually discuss what they are and what they’re doing is about two months after they first sleep together.

The window beside Donghyuck’s bed steams up, and his duvet and pillows end up on the floor along with their clothes and the Christmas present Jeno brought Donghyuck.

“Two times a week,” Donghyuck huffs out as he rolls off of Jeno’s body and onto the cold, empty spot on his bed.

“Hm?” Jeno makes a sound, lying on his side to face Donghyuck. They’re still catching their breaths, still on their high.

“Two times a week, no staying more than one night, no leaving personal stuff,” Donghyuck continues, shifting so they’re lying face to face. “Those are _our_ rules.”

Jeno blinks at him, unfazed. “You’re setting a schedule of when we could fuck?”

“Not a schedule,” Donghyuck clarifies. “Just a limit. Could be any day I want. It could be any day _you_ want. Could be less than two days. Just not more.”

 _Because that’d be a boyfriends thing, not a friends with benefits thing,_ is left unsaid, but still hanging in the air. Jeno doesn’t want to ruin the mood, doesn’t want to plummet so hard when they’re still floating on cloud nine, so he bites his tongue and doesn’t say anything more.

He initially takes a few seconds to consider it, then realizes it’s a waste of time and energy to contemplate on the offer. He’s already standing in the middle of Donghyuck’s trap. In fact, he led himself there and he has no plans on escaping whatsoever.

“Alright. Two times a week at most, overnight allowed, no personal stuff.”

“You can still sleep around with whoever you want,” Donghyuck adds. “Or date, if that’s fine with you or whoever you’ll be dating.”

Jeno doesn’t even want to react to that. “Anything else?”

The edges of Donghyuck’s lips curl up into a smile. He falls on his back, looking up at the ceiling and then whispers under his breath, barely loud enough for Jeno to hear, “Do not fall in love.”

Not that it matters to Jeno, but Jaemin does not approve of Donghyuck. They are good friends, unbeatable as a pair when it comes to beer pong, Jeno learns at some point. They’ve had their fair share of moments together, Jaemin taking care of Donghyuck when the latter blacks out from drinking, Donghyuck serving as Jaemin’s wingman on days Jeno isn’t available. Jaemin loves Donghyuck as a friend.

Just not as Jeno’s fuck buddy.

The disdain in Jaemin’s eyes is too obvious while he watches Donghyuck and Jeno try to explain to Renjun that, while he did accidentally walk in on them sucking on each other’s face in Donghyuck’s flat earlier in the week, they are definitely not in a romantic relationship.

“Friends with benefits?” Renjun frowns at the both of them. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Donghyuck starts slowly, “that when we hang out, it’s more often in a horizontal position.”

Renjun still looks a little lost. “Why would you be in a…” Jeno can see the screws turning in Renjun’s head, slowly processing Donghyuck’s words. Then he grimaces in disgust. “Oh god. I wish I hadn’t learned Korean.” He grabs his bottle from the table and pulls himself up off of Jeno’s couch. “I’m going to get another drink. I don’t want to see you two for a while.”

After a few seconds, Donghyuck chuckles and follows suit. “I’ll go check up on him.”

Jaemin thinks he’s able to hide it well. He does, usually, and tonight is no different because Donghyuck and Renjun don’t seem to notice, but Jeno does. He always does. He’s seated on the loveseat adjacent to the couch where Jeno’s sat, picking on the label of the bottle, which, to Jeno, is a tell-tale sign that Jaemin is bothered by something.

“Something wrong with the beer?” Jeno asks casually, eyeing the bottle in Jaemin’s hands.

“Oh, no. The beer is perfect,” Jaemin lifts his bottle up, flashing his brightest smile. “I just wish I could keep it down in my stomach while you and Donghyuck be gross in front of us.”

Jeno frowns at him. “I haven’t even laid a single finger on him ever since we got here,” he says, peeking at the kitchen to make sure that neither Renjun or Donghyuck could overhear. “Can you please just tell me what’s wrong?”

Jaemin sighs, throwing the pieces of paper aside, frustrated. “Jeno, you need to rethink this.”

“Rethink what?”

“Donghyuck. Whatever the two of you are doing,” Jaemin says, voice somewhere between a shout and a whisper. “What are you going to do if it gets complicated?”

“But it hasn’t,” Jeno argues. “What are you so worried about?”

“Why am I not surprised. Of course, you can’t tell. And Donghyuck is probably too distracted by your post-sex haze to care, but I'd have to be blind, deaf, _and_ dumb to not see it. I’ve been by your side through all three of your relationships. Do you really think I wouldn’t be able to tell if you already have feelings for a person?” Jaemin counters.

It effectively shuts Jeno up, because even he himself knows that if there was _anyone_ in the world who would know him better than he knows himself, it would be Jaemin. He’d forgotten, that while he knew Jaemin like the back of his hand, it also worked the other way around.

Jaemin lets out a dispirited sigh, setting his bottle down on the floor and pushing himself off of his seat to snuggle beside Jeno on the couch. A truce, in Jaemin language. Jeno lets him, putting a hand around his shoulder.

“You’re happier now than you were months ago. And I love that for you, Jeno,” Jaemin explains. He hesitates when he adds, “I just don’t want you getting hurt, and that little arrangement of yours with Donghyuck is the perfect recipe for a catastrophe."

Jeno lets out a quiet chuckle. “Believe me, I don’t want it to end badly either.” He glances at the kitchen again and takes a deep breath. “Can't you just turn a blind eye. Just this once. I promise I’ll be careful. And when it blows up in my face, you can be the one to say ‘I told you so’.”

Jaemin elbows him on his side, looks at him apologetically. “As satisfying as that sounds, I really do hope I’m wrong, Jeno.”

Jaemin pats him on the back one last time before following the other two in the kitchen, leaving Jeno alone to finish his bottle. When he thinks Jaemin is already out of ear he whispers to himself, “Yeah. I hope so too.”

The funny thing is, Donghyuck is actually the first one to break one of their rules.

Of course, they’d already gone five months without any problems from both sides before it actually happens. And in all fairness, the both of them had already somehow known that one of them would break that particular rule at one point.

The easiest solution would’ve been to look for another hook up, and Jeno knows how attractive Donghyuck is, knows that he gets a lot of free drinks from different people when they go out, or that he never runs out of admirers wherever he goes, always hoping to get past the wall he’s set up. But Jeno has yet to see anyone succeed.

At the end of the day, Donghyuck would always end up across Jeno’s door, or his own, with Jeno in tow.

And that only becomes a problem when they’ve already fucked on two consecutive days and Donghyuck is knocking on Jeno’s door on the third, not wasting any time and pouncing on Jeno the moment he’s let in.

“New rule,” Donghyuck pants, climbing on Jeno as the back of the latter’s knees hit the bed, making him fall on his back on the softness of his mattress, and in turn, Donghyuck on his chest. “No limits. I can’t do limits.”

“Agreed,” Jeno decides quickly, pulling Donghyuck down onto his bed.

Jeno won’t ever admit it, but he’d been a few days close to doing the exact same thing, and is glad he gets to keep his pride since Donghyuck had given in first.

“Why did you ever decide on two days anyway?” Jeno asks after, hands sliding up and down on Donghyuck’s back. Donghyuck lies on his stomach, half of his body on Jeno. “How would two be so different from three?”

“It has something to do with rule five,” Donghyuck reminds him gently. _Don’t fall in love._

Jeno scrunches his forehead. “You think frequency would affect our feelings for each other?”

“I’m no good in Sciences, but I’m sure it has something to do with Biology or Psychology,” Donghyuck says, taking his thumb to smoothen out the space between Jeno’s eyebrows. “Besides, don’t you watch movies, Jeno? That’s how it always ends in movies.”

“You based the rules on a work of fiction,” Jeno points out.

“Fiction is always inspired by real life,” Donghyuck retorts. “Trust me, there’s a reason for all of the rules.”

“Then why break it now?” Jeno asks genuinely.

“Aside from the most obvious reason, because I’m always horny as fuck.”

Then he really actually thinks about it for a second, resting his chin on Jeno’s chest as he hums in thought.

“I don’t know, I just have a good feeling about it. I like you enough to risk it.”

The shift doesn’t really make much of a difference.

See, Donghyuck put a cap on when they could fuck, but put no limit as to when they see each other outside of the four corners of their ring, which honestly, should’ve been rule number one in their code in the first place.

Nothing in the rules say they can’t hang out in broad daylight. Nothing prohibits them from getting coffee or studying in the library together. There’s nothing that stops the both of them from being each other’s rock or anchor when it comes down to it.

Donghyuck loses his voice cheering for Jeno during intramurals. Jeno watches all three show dates for Donghyuck’s musical theater production, never forgetting to give Donghyuck a bouquet of roses and sunflowers each time.

 _Friends with benefits._ There are two parts, and Jeno justifies what they’re doing on the first part of it. Donghyuck isn’t doing anything that Jaemin wouldn’t do for Jeno, and Jeno isn’t doing anything Renjun wouldn’t be doing for Donghyuck.

What isn’t in their code isn’t Jeno’s concern.

It works. They work. And where there is no problem, there’s nothing for Jeno to fix, so he leaves the code alone.

“So,” Donghyuck speaks up, finally, after letting Jeno concentrate on his book for an hour and a half, “on a scale of one to ten, how much do old people love you?”

Jeno’s eyes widen behind his glasses as he slides a bookmark between the pages he’s reading, carefully setting it down beside his cup of coffee. “I’m a little bit scared of answering that question.”

“God, okay,” Donghyuck mutters under his breath. It’s the first time Jeno has seen him look so unsure and uncertain. As if for the first time ever, he has no idea how to ask for something that he wants. “My brother is getting married next week.”

“And?”

“And, as the family disappointment, I just need to show them _one_ thing I’m doing right in my life,” Donghyuck says slowly. “That will be you.”

Jeno straight up chokes on his spit. “You’re saying…”

Donghyuck cuts him off, “I’m _asking,_ will you please be my date to my brother’s wedding?”

Jeno, stunned into silence, can only stare soulessly at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck, suddenly fidgety, continues blabbering. “Honestly, I don’t think it’ll even be much work for you. I’m pretty sure my relatives would be satisfied just seeing your face there. Everyone and their mothers already love you.”

It’s flattering. If Jeno wasn’t running possible bad outcomes in his head, he would blush at the comment.

“Earth to Jeno,” Donghyuck waves a hand in front of Jeno’s face.

Jeno opens and closes his mouth a few times, gathering the right words to say. “Are you sure I’m the right person to take to a wedding?”

“What are you saying, you’re the best person to take to a wedding,” Donghyuck answers, hand going up to rub at the back of his neck. Again, Jeno’s first time seeing Donghyuck embarrassed by something. “It’s just for one day.”

When it comes to Donghyuck, Jeno doesn’t think he’s capable of saying ‘no’.

Donghyuck sighs, reaching for his phone. “Forget it, I’ll ask Renjun if he’s available and—”

“Ten,” Jeno blurts out suddenly. Donghyuck pauses, slightly confused, so Jeno continues, “On a scale of one to ten, it’s a ten. I’m my mother’s trophy child. I was born to be someone’s wedding date.”

It’s automatic how Donghyuck’s face lights up and how he straightens up on his seat.

“Plus, I look good in a suit.”

Donghyuck grins at him. “I’ll tell Jaehyun I’m bringing a plus one.”

On the day of the wedding, Jeno picks Donghyuck up, all dressed and looking dapper in the black suit his mother had bought him for special occasions.

“I think we have a problem here," Donghyuck says with a straight face, lower lip stuck between his teeth as he gives Jeno a one-over as he's driving. "I don’t think I wanna share you with my family anymore."

Jeno glances at him quickly, quirking a brow.

“Or anyone else for that matter.”

Jeno chuckles. “I believe you’re forgetting rule four.”

_You can still sleep around with or date whoever you want._

Donghyuck waves this away. “Today doesn’t count. Today, you’re my date and I’m allowed to be possessive.”

They breeze through the program, Jeno attached to Donghyuck’s arm the entire time. And Donghyuck was right, everyone _adored_ him as Donghyuck’s date. One of Donghyuck’s aunts was so smitten by Jeno that she ends up saying out loud what probably should have simply stayed in her brain.

“I can’t believe you would settle for Donghyuck.”

Which prompts Jeno to reply without missing a single beat, “Respectfully, you don’t know what you’re saying,” and then proceeding to whisk Donghyuck away to the open bar before shit can hit the fan.

Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be apologetic about it though, so Jeno doesn’t worry much about the consequences of his words. He does, however, worry about Donghyuck.

“What was that about?” Jeno pulls him closer, arm around Donghyuck’s waist as they watch the newly-married couple on the dance floor.

“I wasn’t kidding when I told you I’m the family disappointment,” Donghyuck says, leaning into Jeno’s touch.

“I really find that hard to believe,” Jeno says truthfully.

In all the time they’ve known each other, Jeno has felt nothing but admiration towards Donghyuck in the way he carries himself, his talents, intelligence, and wit, or his ability to charm everyone around him, including Jeno himself. Donghyuck telling him he’s the family disappointment is news to Jeno, and one that he refuses to accept as true.

“A liberal arts major in a family of science and math nerds, gets plastered during important family occasions, hasn’t held a stable relationship in forever. When you have a brother as perfect as mine, it’s so easy to be painted as the lesser person.” Donghyuck shrugs, chugging what’s left of the champagne in his glass, and setting it down on the bar counter, asking for another glass from the bartender. “I love Jaehyun. He loves me the most, even if I’m a pain in his ass. I don’t really care much about what other people say anyway, but it is what it is.”

“I don’t know what your definition of ‘disappointment’ is, but it’s not the most apt description I’d give you,” Jeno says. “And I say that as a person who sees you actually knows you.”

“You’re saying it as a person who has constant access in my pants.”

Jeno looks at him, completely unamused, and Donghyuck just reaches forward to plant a single kiss on Jeno’s lips.

“I’m joking.”

“I’m not,” Jeno says seriously. “I’ll gladly let your aunt know every single day that I’m luckier to have met you and not the other way around. You know what, in the next wedding, you should tell them you dumped me because my sorry ass doesn’t deserve you. Yeah, you go do that.”

Donghyuck looks at him with wordlessly, lights reflecting beautifully in his eyes as he stares at Jeno with so much affection.

“You’re ridiculous,” Donghyuck laughs. “But, thanks. It means a lot.”

He puts a hand on Jeno’s neck and pulls him down for another kiss, a deeper one than the first. Jeno is the one who slips his tongue first though, tasting the champagne from Donghyuck’s mouth, knowing his relatives are watching them from a distance, and he only smiles when Donghyuck makes a noise of surprise as they pull apart.

“Yeah. I think that’s enough sharing you for today,” Donghyuck whispers, just inches away from Jeno’s lips. “You look hot in that suit, Jeno. But I really just want to rip it off of you right now.”

“I’m all yours, babe,” Jeno says, pecking Donghyuck’s lips one last time before he lets himself get pulled around to say their farewells to his family, to his car, and to Donghyuck’s apartment, where they spend the rest of the night together tangled under Donghyuck’s sheets.

After spending so much time with each other, in and out of each other’s bed, they naturally start to become more and more familiar with each other. This means that Jeno gets to know Donghyuck more, and whether he likes it or not, it also works the other way around.

“That’s it,” Donghyuck, already half-naked, stops moving completely, still straddling Jeno’s legs when he senses something off. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Jeno is pulled out of his trance, tightening his hold on Donghyuck’s back as if he just became aware of Donghyuck’s presence. “What?” It takes him a moment to recall what Donghyuck had just said. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

“Has anyone told you you’re a bad liar?” Donghyuck says, softly massaging the tension away from Jeno’s shoulders. “Because you are, Jeno. A really bad one.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeno sighs, body melting back on the cushion of the couch.

“Let me guess then,” Donghyuck says, pushing himself off of Jeno and onto the space beside him, draping his legs on Jeno’s lap. He pretends like he’s deep in thought. “Hm, school?”

“No.”

“Jaemin?”

“Nope.”

“Me?”

“Of course not.”

“Family?”

“No.” Jeno blinks. Six times in two seconds. _Too obvious._

“See? Bad liar.”

“Donghyuck,” Jeno mumbles quietly and exhaustedly. “I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Can we just get back to what we were doing?” He moves so that he’s crawling on top of Donghyuck, pushing him back on the couch.

Donghyuck contemplates on it for a second, biting on his lower lip as he examines Jeno’s face. He wasn’t going to let Jeno off easily, but the thing about having known each other for a while is that Donghyuck knows when to let it go, and he knows when to bring it up again at a better time.

He’ll open up to Donghyuck on his own, at his own time, at his own pace.

“What’s the magic word?”

“Please,” Jeno says quietly. “Please, let me fuck you.”

It’s happened quite a few times before that Jeno has called Donghyuck for a distraction, each time when Jeno had been going through something difficult. One time when he’d been stressed with school stuff, another when he’d gotten into an argument with Jaemin. For the most part, Donghyuck doesn’t really mind. Apparently, anger and frustration was really hot on Jeno and made for a good kink in bed, but it doesn’t really change the fact that it doesn’t make Jeno feel any better after. It only distracts him for a good hour before he reverts to the way he was, and that’s when Donghyuck steps in to find out what’s actually wrong.

The sky has started pouring outside when Jeno wakes up, finding Donghyuck sitting outside on the balcony of his room, wearing Jeno’s huge shirt, staring out in the cityscape with a blank stare

Jeno grabs a new shirt from his closet and slips it on, taking one of his jackets too before stepping outside through the sliding door.

“You’re going to catch a cold sitting out here,” Jeno scolds him, putting his jacket above Donghyuck’s shoulder and dropping to the space beside Donghyuck. “Don’t you have an early day tomorrow?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me right now?”

“I’m not. I know how much you hate your 8AM classes,” Jeno shrugs, turning his head to look at Donghyuck. He’s frowning, eyebrows knitted like they always do when Donghyuck is deep in thought. “What are you thinking about?”

“Hm?” Donghyuck hums, meeting Jeno’s eyes. “I’m just worried.”

“I can tell. Is it still about earlier?” Jeno inquires with a smile. “Do you really want to know?”

“I won’t ask again if you don’t want to,” Donghyuck says, taking Jeno’s hand in his and giving it a faint squeeze, and it gives Jeno chills just how serious he can be when the situation calls for it. “But it just might make you feel better if you say it out loud.”

Maybe it’s because it’s something he’s kept to himself for months, a problem he’s had no chance to vent to anyone. Or maybe it’s simply because it’s Donghyuck who’s asking.

Jeno isn’t one to open up about his personal problems to anyone, doesn’t like showing vulnerability, but Donghyuck has managed to coax that side out of him numerous times without trying too hard. This time isn’t so different.

Somehow, someway, it always ends up being better with Donghyuck. With a sigh, he concedes.

“My parents are going through something,” Jeno begins, hoping he doesn’t have to elaborate on that for Donghyuck to understand what he means. “It’s just really hard being in the middle of it all.”

“The most annoying part is they’re acting like I’m a kid they have to speak in behalf of or make choices for. As if I’m 7 years old and not a whole grown ass 21 year old man.”

Donghyuck tilts his head. “Are they asking you to choose sides?”

Jeno glances at Donghyuck, licking his lips in hesitation. "Something like that. Like I’m property they have to divide into two.”

“That sounds awful, Jeno.” Donghyuck scoots closer, slipping his arms around Jeno’s torso to hold him closer. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you.”

Jeno lets out a deep breath, melding into Donghyuck’s hold.

“I’m so tired of having to think about it all the time,” he whispers.

“You don’t have to keep it to yourself,” Donghyuck says. He pulls away, hand going up to stroke the back of Jeno’s neck gently. “You can always tell me.”

Jeno can’t help but let out a small laugh.

“What is it?” Donghyuck asks, curling closer into Jeno’s side.

“Nothing. It’s just that… I haven’t told anyone about this.”

“Jaemin?”

Jeno shakes his head.

“Oh.” There’s a beat of silence before he speaks up again, wary. “Do you think it’s weird? Telling me about it?”

The simple and truthful answer would be _no. It isn’t._

Talking to Donghyuck is effortless and comfortable, and it’s already been so long since Jeno has gotten rid of the wall that used to stand before the two of them. Jeno doesn’t need to hold back or tiptoe around Donghyuck anymore, and maybe that’s the reason he’s terrified.

He’s terrified; scared shitless that whatever they’re doing has become real. _Too real_. Jeno can’t point out when the shift happened but it did, and no longer is their friendship just about what it used to be anymore. At least not from Jeno’s side.

And _fuck,_ they’ve broken so many rules. Jaemin had been right all along, and it was really foolish of Jeno to think otherwise.

When he looks at Donghyuck he doesn’t see a friend anymore. He’d already broken the most important rule.

So, instead of answering quite honestly, Jeno nervously laughs and says, “It’s what friends are for, right?”

Donghyuck can only hum as he retracts his hand.

“Right, friends.”

* * *

Jeno faces away from Donghyuck as he dresses up, picking one garment at a time from the floor.

Through the blinds of Donghyuck’s room, Jeno can see the midnight blue sky slowly turning into a lighter shade as the minutes pass. He’ll regret making the trip to Donghyuck’s apartment when he’s nursing a splitting headache later at work, but at the moment, he can’t really bring himself to care about his lack of sleep.

On the bed, he knows Donghyuck is awake, still wrapped in blankets, watching as Jeno clothes himself.

“Jaemin is throwing a party on Saturday,” Jeno says casually, trying so hard to ignore his heart banging right against his chest, not bothering to turn back as he does the buttons of his shirt.

“A party, huh?” Donghyuck wonders aloud. "For what occasion?”

Jeno still doesn’t glance at him. Not even once. “Like Na Jaemin needs a reason to throw a party.”

Donghyuck narrows his eyes at him, as if he can see clearly through Jeno’s lies. It was a safe answer, however, and it does sound like Jaemin to throw a party just because he feels like it.

“I’ll be there,” Donghyuck says. For a second, it seemed as if Donghyuck was going to let the awkwardness slide, but he shifts on the bed, moving towards the edge and keeping the duvet around his waist. “Jeno, is there something wrong?"

“Nothing is wrong,” Jeno flashes him a quick smile, inwardly wishing it'd be convincing enough for Donghyuck not to pry any further. "I'm going to be late for work. I'll see you on Saturday?"

“I ended things with Yukhei,” Donghyuck blurts out before Jeno can get his hands on the knob of Donghyuck’s door.

It takes some time before Jeno can process this, before turning slowly to face Donghyuck.

“It was mutual. He thinks I don’t like him enough,” he adds, avoiding Jeno’s eyes. “And I think he’s right.”

“I kept asking you last night,” Jeno says, letting out a deep breath. He walks back to the bed to sit on the end of the mattress, just a bit out of Donghyuck’s arm’s length. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because that’s not why I wanted you over,” Donghyuck answers with a small voice, eyes trained on the blanket instead of on Jeno. “I just really wanted to see you. Yukhei has nothing to do with it at all.”

Jeno starts carefully, “Donghyuck…”

“Now can you _please_ tell me what’s wrong? Why are you acting so cold all of a sudden?” Donghyuck moves so he’s able to get a grip on Jeno’s arm.

Jeno remembers the items he’d collected this morning while Donghyuck was still passed out in his sleep: the books he’d left on Donghyuck’s study table, the cap he’d left when he was in a hurry to leave, the toothbrush from Donghyuck’s bathroom… He hasn’t touched the small stack of shirts and sweatpants sitting in Donghyuck’s closet, but they smell too much like Donghyuck now. Jeno wants to leave, but he doesn’t want to take any piece of Donghyuck with him.

Then the items he’d returned: The key to Donghyuck’s apartment he’d left on the rack, the tarot cards he’d placed on Donghyuck’s coffee table, the mug Donghyuck kept in his apartment.

He can’t stay. He already made the decision before he went there, before he decided he was going to go, before Donghyuck even called.

There’s never really a good time for bad news.

“I’ll see you on Saturday, alright?” Jeno says, prying himself from Donghyuck’s hold before standing up and leaving the apartment for good.

* * *

The first person Donghyuck dates (like, actually dates) after Mark is a foreign graduate student named Wong Yukhei. Their arms are linked together and Donghyuck has the most smitten smile on his face when he introduces Yukhei to them at one of their get togethers, tells them they’ve been seeing each other for a while now.

“We’re just going out. Nothing too serious,” Donghyuck says as he trails Jeno out of the bar.

Jeno shivers at the cold gust of wind that blows at them past the exit, taking out the carton of cigarettes he’d bought earlier in the morning from the pocket of his jacket. It’s a nasty habit he’d picked up as school got more and more stressful, but with graduation around the corner, he’d say this one was really needed.

He lights one for himself before offering Donghyuck one too, but instead of taking from the box, Donghyuck takes the one between Jeno’s lips and takes a puff.

“He seems really nice. A little loud, but nice,” Jeno says, eyes glued on Donghyuck’s lips. “And he’s hot. Looks like he could be a Hong Kong movie star.”

“That’s what people used to say about you too. I guess I might have a type.” Donghyuck says, taking the cigarette between his fingers and giving it back to Jeno. “He knows I’m sleeping around, and he said he’s okay with it.”

“Sleeping around?” Jeno repeats slowly. He prefers not to keep track of Donghyuck’s bedroom activities other than the ones they share, but as far as he knows, Donghyuck hasn’t dated or slept with anyone since they started having sex.

“Sleeping with you,” Donghyuck clarifies. “I mean, I didn’t tell him it was you. But he knows.”

Jeno stares at Donghyuck for a good few seconds before nodding to himself and flicking the ash away from his cigarette.

“You know, you really should quit that for good,” Donghyuck nudges at his hand. “It’s really bad for you.”

“So, does this mean we aren’t going to see each other anymore since you’re dating now?” Jeno asks instead.

“We’ve talked about this, right?” Donghyuck raises a brow at him, looking visibly irritated as the seconds pass. “Do you want to stop? Are you going to make me choose between the two of you?” He asks, stepping forward so they’re only inches away from each other, almost like he’s challenging Jeno.

Jeno is disappointed he isn’t drunk enough to say _yes_ to both those questions, because he would really like to know what Donghyuck would think about it, but proper reasoning hasn’t left him yet, and he’d rather suffer never knowing if Donghyuck would choose him than risk Donghyuck ending it on the spot.

“I’m not going to make you choose,” Jeno says with a shake of his head, smiling softly at the other boy. “I’m not going to start a game I know I’d lose.”

There’s an indecipherable look on Donghyuck’s face; something about the way he looks at Jeno with so much wonder. Then he just steps forward to cup Jeno’s face in his hand and bring him down for a long, wet, sweet kiss.

“We should get inside. It’s getting cold,” Donghyuck whispers when he pulls away, fists curling against Jeno’s chest. He heads on inside without waiting for Jeno to move, leaving the other boy planted on his spot.

Jeno takes one last drag of his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and crushing it under the sole of his shoe.

It’s funny, really.

Smoking isn’t the only thing Jeno should quit soon.

"Renjun extends his apologies," Jaemin says later when he’s managed to pull away Jeno from their booth and to the bar where they’re out of sight and sound. "Apparently, he was the one who introduced them to each other. Renjun had been in charge with showing Yukhei around campus.”

Jeno takes a swig at his bottle and nods. “Cool. I didn’t even know our school had a foreign exchange program.”

“Renjun told me Donghyuck was _incessantly_ asking about Yukhei,” Jaemin says, like he’s trying to get a reaction, _any_ reaction out of Jeno.

“You and Renjun have gotten really close lately.”

Jaemin pushes him lightly on the arm. “You think you're so slick. Stop changing the subject," Jaemin says with a roll of his eyes.

“What do you want me to say?” Jeno answers back. “Do you want me to say I’m jealous?”

"Well, are you?"

"I'm not." He shouldn't be. This was part of their agreement anyway. Donghyuck can see whoever he wants, the same way Jeno was allowed to see someone else too. “We’ve talked about it before, us dating other people even when we’re sleeping together, so I’m not really surprised.”

“You agreed to this?” Jaemin must think Jeno was a madman, some masochist, plain stupid, or just all three, if the way he’s staring at Jeno is anything to go by. Then he just loses the tension in his shoulders completely as if he’s defeated. “Jeno, why in the world would you agree to this? Why would you do this to yourself.”

Jeno chuckles bitterly, setting his bottle down heavily on the counter. “I don’t really know what I was supposed to have said. The essence of being friends with benefits is that there’s no commitment between us, isn’t it?”

“Jeno…”

“I’m fine,” Jeno says with finality, turning on the stool to face the open space of the bar. “I’ll be fine.”

At the end of the room sits a pretty, blonde girl who’s been shyly trying to make contact with him the entire night, and he’s been avoiding it ever since he first stepped in, but this time he looks at her directly and gives her a small friendly smile.

Spending more time with Yukhei means Donghyuck spends less time with Jeno.

And with Jeno spending less time with Donghyuck, he finds himself spending more time with other people.

After graduating and starting work, he sees, thinks about, and talks to Donghyuck less, which isn’t really all that bad, especially with Yukhei still in the picture. Still, Donghyuck calls him up every other week just to check in, sometimes to invite Jeno out, but Jeno almost always declines for two good reasons.

One, he’s busy; stumped with work, because his boss likes him so much that he’d taken Jeno directly under his wing to train him.

Two, he’d started dating too.

Yeeun isn’t the first girl Jeno has dated, but Jaemin would tell him that she’s his favorite out of all the people Jeno has ever asked out. She’s sweet, and kind, and when she brings Jeno food, she doesn’t forget to make some for Jaemin too. She blushes when Jeno tries to hold her hand, and giggles when Jeno kisses her on the cheek. She doesn’t call on awkward hours and hasn’t dropped formalities with Jeno even when they’re on their third month of dating.

When she looks at Jeno with those wide, sparkly eyes, it makes Jeno’s heart melt, the same way it does when he looks at his cats, or babies, or anything remotely fluffy and cute.

They go out on cute, fun, wholesome dates, and Yeeun posts boyfriend photos of him and couple selcas on her Instagram account.

And maybe Jeno is a bit overwhelmed. They don’t live in shadows, they don’t tread on a thin line between friends and something else entirely.

Because Yeeun is sure about him, and what she wants the two of them to be.

And the truth is, Jeno is sure too.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what a healthy relationship feels like,” Jaemin points out when he visits Jeno in his office and whisks him away for lunch.

“I know. It’s great. She’s great,” Jeno blabbers, pushing his food around his bowl with his sticks.

Jaemin narrows his eyes at him. “There’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

_But I don’t love her. But I only see her as a friend._

_But_ he knows Jaemin was going to have his ass beaten up if he says it out loud, so he doesn’t.

“But nothing. She’s perfect.”

“Then why are you saying it like she’s the exact opposite?”

She could be every single person Jeno has on his long list of ideal types, but it wouldn’t really matter. Jeno could use all the old excuses from the books, but none of them will actually be true.

Jaemin studies him for a few more seconds before sighing. “Maybe you just aren’t ready for a new relationship.”

Jeno knows Jaemin is saying it to make him (maybe even Jaemin, himself) feel better, or because he dreads hearing the sad, ugly, painful truth that Jeno is just not into her like that, and is into someone who doesn’t like him the same way.

“Maybe you just need time for yourself, figure things out on your own or some shit like that.”

“Yeah.” Jeno nods his head, and lets himself believe all the lies Jaemin is making for him instead.

_Heard from Jaemin. Want to meet up tonight?_

Jeno's fingers freeze on the keyboard of his work computer when his phone lights up, Donghyuck's message flashing on the screen.

He presses his lips in a tight line, afraid not doing so that he's going to let out a long string of curses for the entire office to hear, wishing Na fucking Jaemin to burn in hell for talking to Donghyuck behind his back.

He holds his phone in his hand, gulping thickly as he types out, _Sure, coffee?_

A quick and easy conversation.

Donghyuck, however, has different plans.

_More like soju._

"You broke up with someone and you wanted to talk about it over _coffee,_ " Donghyuck chortles, moving to fill up the shot glass in front of Jeno.

"We didn't break up. She wasn't even my girlfriend. Trust me, you'd be the first to know if she were," Jeno explains, looking at the shot glass with some apprehension. "We just couldn't meet each other anymore."

"Was it mutual?" Donghyuck inquire, lips pouting.

Jeno takes a breath, and with some hesitation admits, "No. I ended it."

Donghyuck's mouth falls slightly agape at his confession. "What? But Jaemin told me you were really happy with her.”

Jeno leans back in his chair and looks at him with an amused smile. "I'm more concerned about how you were asking for updates from Jaemin instead of talking to me directly.”

Donghyuck flusters at this, eyes going down to look at the table instead of at Jeno. "You've gotten a lot busy. You don't even reply to some of my messages anymore."

Jeno feels guilty for a second for avoiding him, but Donghyuck is quick to wave this away.

“So, what was it then?” Donghyuck changes the subject quickly, putting his elbow on the table, chin on his palm. “Was she mean? Does she hate cats? Too boring? Too wild?”

Jeno barks out a laugh. “Too wild?”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“If I can handle you, I can handle wild,” Jeno points out. Donghyuck scoffs in response and opens his mouth to speak, but Jeno cuts him off before he can get a word out. “It’s not any of those things.”

“Then why?”

“I…” Jeno is silent for a moment, only gaping at Donghyuck who looks at him with so much curiosity. “We just wanted different things, I guess. Irreconcilable differences. Something like that.”

Not the entire truth, but definitely not a lie.

Then, Jeno notices the way Donghyuck’s eyes change, staring straight at him like he’s some kicked puppy no one wanted to take home.

“Donghyuck, don’t look at me like that.”

Donghyuck blinks rapidly, mutters, “I’m sorry. You just really seem bummed about it.”

“I’m really not,” Jeno says with a smile in an attempt to become more convincing.

The only thing that’s got him bummed is that Yeeun acted like some sort of band aid that held Jeno together at a time when he felt like he was going to be ripped apart. And no matter how good it felt having her around, knowing that he was simply using her as a deterrent from feeling something painful, he just had to let her go.

Donghyuck silently pushes Jeno’s glass closer to him and takes his own in his hands. “Drink up,” Donghyuck smiles, raising his glass up in the air. “To the heart you just broke.”

Jeno takes his glass, clinks it against Donghyuck’s, and throws the alcohol back in his throat. He grimaces at the taste and at Donghyuck’s sudden toast. “That’s unfair. My heart’s broken too.”

“Nothing me and several bottles of alcohol can’t fix,” Donghyuck smirks, again filling up both of their glasses to the brim.

It’s a Monday, and Jeno had thought their meeting would be over in an hour or two, but they’re 5 bottles in when Donghyuck invites him over to his place, and Jeno, tipsy and drunk and blinded by the fact that he missed Donghyuck so bad, had little to no objections when Donghyuck took his hand and led him out of the bar, into a cab, and into his building.

“It’s been a while since I last set foot in here,” Jeno slurs as he watches Donghyuck fumble with his keys and do the very taxing task of trying to unlock his door.

“It’s been a while since we last even talked,” Donghyuck counters, muttering the words under his breath.

The moment he gets the door open, Donghyuck grabs the fabric of Jeno’s shirt in his fists and pulls him inside, slamming him against the door as it closes behind them. And as if they’re timed by a ticking time bomb, Donghyuck doesn’t waste any time pulling Jeno by his neck and crashing their lips together as they stumble around in the dark towards Donghyuck’s bed.

“Donghyuck...” Jeno calls airily.

It’s complete torture, stepping inside Donghyuck’s apartment again after months of trying to avoid him, or even the mere thought of him. It’s worse that Donghyuck seems set on trying to take him apart by the way he’s touching Jeno, keeping him on edge and absolutely hungry for more.

“You don’t know how much I’ve missed you,” Donghyuck says, pushing Jeno back on the bed, climbing over him to kiss wherever he can. He has Jeno on a leash, has a hand around his neck, and Jeno can’t breathe enough of him, can’t get enough of him.

Jeno knows all too well that this isn’t going to last. He knows he won’t ever actually have him. He’s a stray coming up to be fed scraps from Donghyuck’s bed. Jeno takes what he can get and makes the best out of it.

A groan is ripped out of his throat when Donghyuck aligns their hips together and ruts against him, and he can’t help but mutter a curse when he feels how turned on Donghyuck is through his jeans.

“Donghyuck,” Jeno calls again, fingers digging into his back so hard, he’s sure it’s going to leave marks the next day.

There’s a tightness in his chest, a pain in his heart, stinging every time Donghyuck’s lips are on him, every time Donghyuck grinds down, every time Donghyuck sighs his name over and over again.

“What’s wrong?” It must’ve been the way Jeno was holding him, hands trembling, that has Donghyuck pulling away, lifting himself so his entire weight isn’t resting on Jeno. “Oh god, did you not want to--”

“No,” Jeno says in record time. His head is spinning, and there’s no way of telling if it’s because of the alcohol or the lack of air, but he manages to still himself, looking at Donghyuck seriously. “I want you. I want all of you. Please, I only want you.”

Donghyuck looks a bit relieved as his hands slide up Jeno’s biceps, settling on his shoulders to rub soothing circles on his skin with his thumb. “I’m yours. All yours.”

_Lies._

And Jeno is angry, but he’s also broken. He doesn’t let Donghyuck see him, hides himself in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck as he flips them around.

When Jeno comes down from his high, he isn’t able to keep his stupid mouth shut. The words fall out, filling the stiff cold air of the room.

“I love you.”

Jeno waits for an answer. Rejection, affirmation, confusion. He can feel his heart stop beating when Donghyuck’s hand stills on his back, and he keeps his face hidden from Donghyuck’s view, completely unprepared for a response that never actually comes.

Perhaps Donghyuck is more inebriated than he thought, maybe Donghyuck thinks he is too. But when Donghyuck shifts so they’re lying face to face, and he’s cuddled up against Jeno’s chest, throwing an arm around Jeno’s waist, the war in Jeno’s heart stops. And as his lids fall heavy he thinks, _tomorrow._

Tomorrow, it’ll be the end.

A terrible pounding in his head is what he gets the next day.

And an awkward conversation over breakfast.

He gets Donghyuck avoiding his eyes, keeping a meter’s distance between them the entire time. Jeno had woken up alone to an empty bed, stretching his arms and finding the other side cold and empty.

And now that they’re completely sober, sitting across each other, completely raw and vulnerable from the night before, Jeno just wants the world to swallow him whole. Donghyuck won’t even look at him or even breathe in his direction, which only meant one thing to Jeno.

“Do you remember last night?” Donghyuck asks quietly, eyes on the coffee he’s stirring in his mug instead of on Jeno.

“Do you?” Jeno retorts.

It takes Donghyuck a while to reply.

“I don’t.”

“Yeah?” Jeno tries to meet his gaze, but to no avail. “Me too.”

* * *

“You told me this was going to be a ‘small gathering’,” Jeno says when Jaemin finally finds him in one of the bathrooms of his house, seated on the edge of the tub, nursing a bottle in his hands. “This isn’t a ‘small gathering’, Jaemin. This is the entire frickin’ campus in your house.”

“Not my fault you’re so well-loved,” Jaemin tells him with a straight face. “I threw this party for _you._ What the hell are you doing hiding in here?”

This is his night so far in numbers.

It’s 9:43, so he’s been hiding inside the bathroom for about half an hour already. He’s had three bottles of beer. Eight people have all knocked and tried to come inside his hiding spot. He’s received five messages asking him where he is. He’s received two missed calls. Jaemin is one-half of that.

The other half, well.

He’s the reason Jeno has been stuck in that bathroom for 33 minutes.

"I'm guessing you haven't told him yet," Jaemin says.

“I don’t know how to.”

“The same way you told me,” Jaemin answers, taking a seat beside Jeno, who looks at him inquisitively. “What? You finding out about it was easy for me?”

“Jaemin.”

“Honestly, save the drama for next week,” Jaemin holds a hand out and shakes his head to stop Jeno from continuing. “You can’t not tell him. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Jeno laughs bitterly, taking a swig at his bottle. He’s almost done with it, and he’d have to go outside to get another one, which means he’ll have to face Donghyuck one way or another.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t care,” Jeno says with a shrug. He doesn’t think Donghyuck would. It was all temporary anyway, something bound to end at some point in time.

“You need to stop speaking on behalf of him and let him decide for himself,” Jaemin says as he stands up, hands on his waist as if he’s reprimanding Jeno. “Just tell him.”

“I don’t even understand why you, of all people, want me to,” Jeno says, quickly getting annoyed by Jaemin’s insistence. “You are the absolute last person I thought who would want me and Donghyuck to work out.”

“Oh, Jeno. It’s really simple. If I can’t convince you to stay, maybe he can,” Jaemin smirks at him, and _goddamn,_ Jeno thinks he can be so irritating when he wants to be. “Tell him, or I’ll do it myself,” he states simply, disappearing quickly out the door without giving Jeno a chance to reply.

It’s a look he’s never seen on Donghyuck ever, at least not towards him, because Jeno has never done anything to hurt Donghyuck. Not intentionally, not even by accident. Not that he knows of anyway, because the last thing Jeno ever wants to do is hurt the one person he loves the most.

Perhaps it might also be because Jeno had already expected that Donghyuck would take the news lightly; had expected an outcome where Donghyuck would neither be devastated nor upset about him moving away and would just be indifferent about the entire thing.

All the scenarios he’d ran in his head doesn’t prepare him for the actual confrontation, with Donghyuck staring right at him, eyes wide and brows furrowed, knuckles going white as he grips his bottle tightly in his hand.

Jeno makes a move to step towards him, but Donghyuck is quick to turn away, disappearing into the crowd and out the front door. Jeno tails him quickly, following him outside of Jaemin’s house, up to the gate where Jeno’s car is parked directly across the street. Donghyuck turns around when he reaches the curb, and isn’t even remotely surprised when he sees Jeno behind him.

Jeno takes the initiative to walk past him towards his car. “Get in,” he tells Donghyuck, grabbing his keys from his pocket and unlocking the door. Donghyuck surprisingly complies without a fight, slipping into the front seat wordlessly.

“When did you decide on this?” Donghyuck speaks up after they've been driving a while, eyes still trained outside the window instead of on Jeno.

“I was considering it the whole time. My mom asked me to move in with her after the divorce is finalized,” Jeno explains slowly, glancing quickly at Donghyuck. “Told her I wanted to two weeks ago.”

“Two weeks ago,” Donghyuck repeats in a mutter. “That’s when…”

 _I told you I love you._ “We went out for drinks, yeah.”

“Why?”

Jeno blinks excessively; nervously, trying to find the most believable excuse. “I’ve always wanted to study abroad. It’s the perfect opportunity to do it. Perfect timing.”

“And when were you going to tell me?”

Jeno stutters over his words, “I just couldn’t find the right time...”

“You were in my bed two nights ago,” Donghyuck cuts him off, raising his voice. “You had all the time in the world. I guess this just makes saying goodbye easy, now that I know what I mean to you.”

“What _you_ mean to me?” Jeno echoes, throwing his head back in disbelief. “I didn’t think you’d care, Donghyuck. Why would you? What am I to _you_?” Donghyuck was getting angry, but Jeno wasn’t about to back down from this argument, especially when he’s been hurting for months because of this too. “You didn’t even care all that much when Mark moved away. And he was your _boyfriend._ We aren’t anything, so why would you care this time around?”

Donghyuck becomes silent for a while, and only when Jeno briefly glances at him again does he realize that Donghyuck is crying, tears continuously streaming down his cheeks.

“Donghyuck…”

“Pull over.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I can’t just stop here.”

“Pull over.”

Jeno looks back and forth between the road and Donghyuck. “I can’t just-”

“I said pull over,” Donghyuck repeats, voice stern despite being reduced to tears.

Jeno gulps thickly, hands tightening around the steering wheel. This was supposed to be the last time he was going to see Donghyuck, and instead of ending it amicably, they were about to have it out in the middle of the road.

He looks into the rear-view mirror to check for other vehicles tailing them, feels a bit relieved when he sees that the street they’re driving on isn’t busy, and slows to a stop at the side. He immediately takes his seatbelt off when Donghyuck removes his, moving to open the door to his side so he can follow Donghyuck out, when the other boy throws himself over the gear shift and onto Jeno’s lap.

Without any warning, he kisses Jeno, and it’s messy, and sloppy, so desperate, and it breaks Jeno a little more when he whimpers against his lips. Jeno indulges him, reaches for Donghyuck’s face and cupping his jaw in his hands.

When Donghyuck pulls away, his one hand is on Jeno’s neck, another clutching hard the collar of Jeno’s shirt. And Jeno is too overwhelmed, at a loss for words, and can only reach up to wipe the tears from Donghyuck’s face.

“Why are you really going?” Donghyuck demands. Jeno can barely see him, the interior of the car only illuminated only by the dim glow of the streetlights outside, but he can see how glassy Donghyuck’s eyes are, how his lips are raw and bitten. “Don’t you dare lie to me again.”

Jeno rests his hand on the base of Donghyuck’s spine, trying his best to console Donghyuck, because he knows that nothing will be able to, after all of this. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“Tell me _why_.”

Jeno whimpers, eyes fluttering shut. He leans back on his seat, as if he doesn’t have any strength left in him. 

“Don’t make me say it if you aren’t going to say it back.”

Donghyuck moves his hands so he’s cupping Jeno’s face. “Don’t go.” He presses a kiss on Jeno’s forehead, below Jeno’s eye, Jeno’s cheek. Jeno’s lips over and over and over, until his tears start again, until his lips are trembling against Jeno’s and he’s sobbing, _begging_ for Jeno not to leave.

It feels awfully like a dagger twisting its way through Jeno’s heart. He doesn’t know if he’s capable of saying _no_ to Donghyuck, because he’s never had to before, but there’s a first and last to everything.

“I’m going,” he says, hands going up to take Donghyuck’s hands in his and kissing on his knuckles. “I have to. I need time alone. I think you could use some too.”

Donghyuck is panicking, Jeno can tell from the way Donghyuck’s eyes widen. “What can I do? What can I do to make you stay?”

“Nothing that wouldn’t be a lie,” Jeno answers. 

Donghyuck doesn’t have any fight left in him too, and he just throws his arm around Jeno’s neck, holding him close. They hold each other for a while, Jeno not knowing how much time has passed since, but when Donghyuck pulls away, he’s stopped crying, wiping his face clean with the back of his hand.

He moves slowly and carefully back to his seat. Only now, he’s curled up into a ball on his seat, and he refuses to look at Jeno when he tries to call him softly.

“Take me to Renjun’s, please,” Donghyuck mumbles quietly. “I don’t want to be alone.”

No matter how much Jeno wants to extend an invitation to his own place, he doesn’t, because perhaps this is the first step for the both of them towards moving on to a life without the other.

“Okay,” Jeno says. He reaches towards Donghyuck, pulling his seatbelt on for him, careful not to graze Donghyuck at all.

Jeno’s never had a quiet ride with Donghyuck as his driving partner, but it awfully feels like he’s gone deaf with the silence between the two of them. It’s too quiet, save for the small sobs coming from Donghyuck, and Jeno just wants to reach for him and hold him close. He doesn’t know when he’ll ever be able to do it again. But he doesn’t. 

Despite everything, Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be in a rush to leave. Neither of them make a move nor say a word when Jeno kills the engine. Jeno turns his head, stares at Donghyuck who keeps his eyes outside the window instead.

It’s odd, really. Because Donghyuck looks just as broken and torn apart as Jeno feels. 

And Jeno had been thinking of a thousand ways this confrontation could go the entire week, but this, he hadn’t anticipated at all. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard to let go, but here they are.

After a few more moments, Donghyuck removes his belt again, faces Jeno finally, and stills. There isn’t a hint of hesitation when he leans in and kisses Jeno for the last time. 

When he pulls away, he looks right into Jeno’s eyes, gives him a look Jeno doesn’t think he’s ever seen before.

And too quick, Donghyuck pushes his door open, slipping out of the car, and out of Jeno’s hold.

**Author's Note:**

> to my one shining ray of optimism i love you thank you for putting up with me and for indulging me when i ask for ur opinion [babie emoji] im gonna finish YOUR FIC SOON I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
